Autism (part II)

I started with a visit to my family doctor and explained that I was concerned about being Autistic or ADHD. It was a hard discussion to have, to be certain. He administered a few brief tests and ultimately referred me to a more extensive evaluation. Weeks went by and the gnawing curiosity grew. I intentionally did no further research on the topic. I skipped over news articles about autism. I dodged all the pop-ups for self-tests. Finally, my appointment date was set for more than a month out. I REALLY dislike waiting.

By the time of my appointment, I was on pins and needles. I was torn between wanting to cancel the test, or to go through with it. Unless you know the anxiety, you can't understand the million "what ifs" that go on in a creative mind. Testing day arrived and I did my best, but following the long day of being under the microscope I was exhausted. Then came the next waiting period while my scores were tallied and observations were made. I REALLY dislike waiting, no matter how necessary I know that it is, especially with compiling data.

The day finally arrived for me to get the results which I had waited and waited and waited again for. High intelligence autism, with no ADHD. Rather, I had ranked in a highly superior category in many things, all hyper-focuses of mine, including all the things that make a writer a writer. It was a relief, a shock, and a moment of sublime self-realization. My emotions were a bit, shall we say, sailing on a rough sea. So, what do you do when you realize that so much of your struggles and survival and rejections in this thing called life had this deep current running through it, suddenly making sense of all the suffering over all the years...